Bored. Off The Brain.

So imma come out the box and spit,
homie you cant handle my shit,
run up on me and imma dismantle ya *clique*,
imma murda you slaughta you,
the motha fucka neva thought it through,
i might be a little dude but take a second,
and look what i brought to you,
dynamite come in small packages,
motha fucka thats the thought ta brew,
might be white but us motha fucka always true,
some ride alone some fa the red some fa the blue,
no matta how you look at it you talk shit you be layin dead,
aint no point in callin the feds,
cuz soon as ya flip the phone you gone get hit with the lead,
do the dirty deed then im dippin down the street,
aint no tracks beneath my feet,
cuz im way too swift and im always holdin heat,
motha fuckas over here never known defeat,
like the sayin go, ya feelin froggy... leap,
but im always jumpin higher so bitch dont try ta dawg me,
and imma let this shit be know,
that im always holdin chrome,
ill run into ya zone, and rearange a page in ya fairy tale life in my rage,
run in ya crib and rip out all the phones,
now im chillin in ya home holdin all you motha fuckas hostage,
meanwhile motha fuckas on the outside think i lost it,
lets come to an agreement, whats it gone take ta get me out this jam?
fuck that shoot the whole crib up like Yosammity Sam,
what the fuck yall bitches think i am?
walk in with no plan walk out awhile later unscathed the only man,
:blazed:

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...my-388704.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nk-388518.html

feed?

no hate but this verse seemed more like a freestyle than a open mic. the rhyme was pretty basic and the flow was cut and dry. there wasnt much word play or creativity to the piece. i didnt really get grabbed by any line or really feel the imagry. it seemed like you were tryin to just freestyle a song which is chill but its not really for a open mic.

anyways if you could leave some feed on THE PHOTO the links in my sig it would be appreciated

To be honest there is nothing good coming from a freestyle written out. I mean if I write something on a topic and dont go back and edit it it too would be a freestyle. If you dont want to reread something then thats cool but slow down and make it worth someones while because its sounds really bad when you say off the brain and its all about killing and shooting and self promotion. Sometimes, if you really want someone to read something you wrote and give you props on it you need to think to yourself what would they want to hear. Sooner or later you can take that style and apply to what you want to hear and those who read it will be impressed too. Change your style I guess. Find a good topic, sit down and write how you feel. if its guns and shit then well its guns and shit but make it appealing. This though was not. Im sorry if it was negative. I want you to get better and noone would get better if I just said it was cool. good luck