-
Crazy man
all of my threads,homie has been rated explict
me and ma homiez made a deal implict
after this deal you shot me wit an elastic
i was mad but my actin style was bombastic
i told him that was funny but of course sarcastic
he asked me a random question who would make a car plastic
i told him"if i was that guy i wouldnt be in traffic"
for a second i was kool again but it started up again
the elestaic mark started to burn, i though he was my friend
i told him to bend ya finger for me but he couldnt bend
i had an idea of pullin his finger right off his socket
and then stab him with the knife in my pocket
i did it...took his finger and put in my safe and locked it
he called the copes on me and they called "stop that!"
i took out my knife and they told me to drop that
i told them...only if you bring hip hop back
i went in the bank and grabbed me a hot stack
right of the press and it smelled so good
my mind is messed and i said sum shit fagrant
the cops cop affened and shot me to the pavement
this deal and day started off with perfection
when he hit me the rubber i made a selection
look in my these days got my self a finger collection
i looked at the list of no finger people woth affection
cops think i am dead so i whatch my self with protection
making sure that no one dares to expose my identity
i got fired and no one knows how much my job ment to me
i started a new life and maybe kill more people like shady
right now i whatched tv and i am on the worlds top crazy
these days i am very sneaky and very mystereious
i found my self a killin partner evryone fearin us
no way the cops gonna throw us back in jail
if they find or kill me of course i'll be in hell
this is crazy shit with not person's doubt
no one knows what this killin shits about
this is a crazy man and it is fuckin me
i just woke up and relized it was a dream
-
-
Okay Piece Man VOcabulary Wasn't That Good But Flow Was Cool, The Topic Was Good But The Lyrics Didn't Really Stick To THe Topic At Some Parts So Work On THat There, Also Your Wordplay In Verse Wasn't There Man, Structure Wasn't To GOod Try And Fix That Up Man You'll Get Better
-
you had a good flow but you didnt stay on topic that well and some parts aint make sense, you also need to work on your wordplay but other then that it was aight keep writing and youll get better.
-
iight yo....hit me up wit sum posts
-
lol ya man this dude is a crazy man thats whhat the title is yo
-
Wild story. Had some funny parts to this, I liked the plastic car line. You had alright outer multis, made it a smooth read. Putting more internal rhyming would make the verse more complex. The way you described the events were pretty simple, telling exactly what happened. Thats alright to keep your story going, but some subtle wording can leave the reader with something to think about. There could have been more to the ending, with more thought put into it.
-
ok...thx man i appreicate it..uppin :)
-
uppin this cuz this has the most multies i've ever seen and it is so fuckin complex..does anyone agree....lol..i think this is dope
-
nice formating.. dope multies.. vocab=ok...flow was fine...
i liked the way you connected the lines together, there was definitely something original in your method of getting the story accross...was entertaining in a musical rythym sense
the end couple lines wasnt too original though,, ive seen a few jointsd that end like that already, like passing it off as a dream
apart from that
all in all much dopeness
stay up
