~The Lost Cause~

My First Attempt Of A Poem... Love Me, Hate Me... Critize fix me whatever... Listen

Passionate fabricated with situations ten times the race equipped with losses//
Bosses Commanded strained with uncharted flawless marches stocked like artist
All this exact facts that lack witch ever stands with tons of sacks that can’t eave//
Hatred uploaded with faces cases caked with space to elevate to rave like cascades
I can’t except the actions taken in politics acknowledgment far beyond, its astonishing//
Help call’s to broken laws outburst in open halls but there’s a pause, unable of following
But walk with me? Would be observed to the words and bonds combined to make us cry//
Capitals and Federals tell us we can’t loss faith that we are great but judgment is to late
Virus’s with harness’s sex invents the love we sent games we pick can’t predict the life we live//
Do not induce me to believe that the world is safe but every quake the earth takes it loses space
Plates descend under a great bend of matter jabbered to shatter the place we live in//
I dare not to give in to these men that tend to pretend they have been further then I’ve been
But have they seen the spoil beans & ugly shoe strings, lost causes is flawless non-acknowledged
Polished like black shoes with unpaid dues witch do I choose but I stay coo monsters abolished//

... just to start i guess... Help out...

Caesar - On3

real sweet.....structure was REAL hip hop oriented......good tho......your vocab is ill.....you should peep this new site...we need more heads like ya self....
www.geocities.com/ironmicstyles

intriguing. voacb is simple...yet your point was brought through. Kept me interested....
would like to see more , keep it up...

return favor ,
peace

Ayo thanx yall.. i didn't think i would get any reply to this at all... thanx again for the positive feedback... good luckin...

Caesar - ON3

Ayo thanx yall.. i didn't think i would get any reply to this at all... thanx again for the positive feedback... good luckin...

Caesar - On3

for your 1st poem this was bigg. im mean everything seemed overthought, imagery n flow especially. i think you have rite idea for poetry in your expression, but it just needs to be developed more. think details cause a rose isnt a rose unless it has rose pettles.
peAce

Thank u Thank U

last uppin for this Poem

Caesar - On3

that was ill. you have a lot of talent. keep writing.