The Great Collapse

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_hM3iz69aqu...B-%2BAlone.jpg

I cant blame it on anyone else , because that's just who I am
Had troubles my whole life , I’m a simple complicated man
I kept my emotions inside of me , I didn’t like to show it
So i just had to use my energy .. in writing and being a poet
The world may not understand me , or why I do the things i do
I couldn’t trust anyone , and I lost every friend i knew
I lived self-dependent , had to grow up while I was still a child
Eagred to live those years , the years I loved and smiled
I struggled a lot to change and head into the right direction
But people were always hurt .. from my actions and their reflection
Some people threw their anger at me , and apologized a while later
Didn’t care for it being constantly ,had problems that were much greater
I lived to satisfy the others , even if it led to my Unhappiness
Been asked a lot from my bothers , and always answered with my unhappy-yes
Acted like everything was fine , had the impression of a Poker Face
That Because I had the personality of a suicidal , and a Smoker case
But i can’t take it anymore , and I am barely struggling to hide it
I'm about to explode from my internal conflict and ever problem besides it
Now I’m ready to sacrifice my self , surrender ? Never
That because I must collapse now permanently and for ever

Something i wrote , took me about an hour , i know it needs multies
but just felt like writing it without forcing my self to do anything

leave link i will RTF

links : http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...060/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...473/index.html

not bad .. not bad :)

upping ,would apprecite some critcis

smoker case and the poker line i liked stood out for me ..also the ending bar u came out strong..obv u wana get multis in there let me know if u do id enjoy the read alot more then :)

the flow was good throughout for me

structure was ok

a good few punches wudnt of gone to a miss

but overall 3/5 nice drop

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...275/index.html

Will do , Upping .